Alright, I’m not going to lie, I’m having a really really hard time with this blog. And a moderately hard time with my life. Every blog post I share on here feels weirdly forced, very cookie cutter, and astoundingly fake. The entire blog/website feels like a homework assignment or school project that’s created by me, but doesn’t completely reflect who I really am.
There’s this immense detachment I feel from this blog which is so sad because I’m paying real money to have this website up, but I’m producing much more genuine content on my free wordpress blog.
SO YOU KNOW WHAT????? Fuck it, I’m just going to write the same way I write on my free blog.
I’m tired of feeling like a robot chugging out what I assume will be the most “popular” and “readable” content that readers would want.
I’M DONE WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!
Along with the awful, stuck, undesirable, and icky feeling I have with my blog writing right now- I feel the exact same way with my life in general.
I’m 22 about to be 23 years old, I have a part-time job that gives me 15 hours a week, I’m nowhere near being financially independent, and I’m nowhere near finding my “career”.
I don’t want to say I’m “lost”. I was definitely lost a year ago right after graduating.
Now I’m still “stuck”.
There’s this understanding that I have a lot of opportunities ahead of me if I forge my path and attempt to do something, literally ANYTHING at this point….
but instead I’m lounging on my couch binging youtube videos waiting for the day to pass.
And it’s so frustrating because there’s a mental war where I’m aware of my “should’s”.
I should be looking for a full-time job or another part time job.
I should be looking for a volunteer opportunity.
I should be finding ways to monetize my hobbies or find side hustles.
I should be…MORE!!!!!
Fortunately, while I have all these thoughts, I think I’m definitely nicer to myself compared to a couple months ago. There would be this feeling of disgust, shame, and guilt at how slow my life was progressing.
In my head, I should’ve had a full-time job saving up money and getting ready to move out by 23 years old.
Well, I’m definitely nowhere near that point, but at least I’m not insulting myself or talking down to myself anymore. Rather than bullying myself like I did earlier this year for not being where I want to be, I’m more of a concerned mother that’s nudging me to say “alright girl, I know you’re feeling wonky right now but you need to GET UP!!”.
No insults, just facts.
So for any 20 somethings who feel stuck, who feel lost, or who feel like they’re just floating along while everyone else is finding ways to advance, become independent, or just move along merrily with their lives…I’m right there with you.
And since I’ve been feeling this way ever since I graduate which has been a good year and 4 months, here are some quotes and mantras that I think about to help me feel better, and to somewhat kickstart the road to trying to work hard again.
I know we’re all trying to move on from the discomfort and frustration that we’re feeling. So here’s a great roundup of helpful quotes I found on pinterest:
You Still Have a lot of Time to Make Yourself Be What You Want
After intense google searching of “feeling lost”, and “what to do in when your lost in your 20’s”, all of the answers summarized the fact that if you’re in your 20’s you’re incredibly young and you have a lot of time to figure things out. It was basically the grown up version of “you’ll understand when you get older”. It did little to nothing to soothe my internal conflict and distress.
“Okay, so I have a lot of time…but I’m wasting time right now!!” was what I felt. BUT, I realized that it did NOT mean I could sit around waiting until I was older to suddenly realize where I wanted my life to go. It meant I have so much time to do an entire Trial and Error process basically.
Rather than solely depending on our young age and dismissing our life direction in our 20’s, it means we have the freedom to explore while we don’t have as much pressing responsibility holding us down.
And that made a lot more sense, and I felt a lot better with the phrase “You’re still so young you have so much time”.
2.What We Focus On Magnifies It
After months of feeling self-pity and frustration after graduating, this quote hit so so so deep. I spent most of the year feeling frustrated that I didn’t have a full-time job, I didn’t have my own apartment (hell even own room), and I wasn’t enough of an “adult”.
I was one big whiny, immature, and self-loathing brat. It must’ve been such a hard time for my family, and for that I’m incredibly sorry. If you noticed, I was whining about all the things I DIDN’T have.
I never focused on the fact that I didn’t have to worry about rent, utilities, internet bills because I lived with my family. I had beautiful home cooked meals because my mom was gracious enough to cook for my entire family. I finally bought a car which meant that I could go wherever I had to without having to figure out bus schedules or sharing cars with my parents. I’m averagely healthy. I still have a good connection with friends even if I can’t physically see them.
I was living such a comfortable lifestyle, yet I was bitter that it didn’t fall in line with the perfect “living in my own apartment with 500 plants as an indepedent 22 year old” lifestyle I kept seeing on instagram and youtube.
So I started focusing on what I did have in the moment, and stopped nit-picking over the smallest things. It’s still something I have to work on at times, but I’m doing MUCH better than I was a year ago.
3. Be Happy With What You Have, While Working For What You Want
This is a wonderful combination of the first and second quote. You can be grateful without feeling guilty that you want MORE. I thought that to be grateful, you can’t necessarily wish for more because that defeats the purpose of gratitude.
Rather there’s a middle ground!! You can understand that you want to create a better life for yourself, while appreciating everything you have in the moment.
It’s okay to want more. You don’t have to feel guilty. But you have to understand that what you have in the moment is something to be grateful for as well. I LOVE this quote. I really do.
4. It’s a Slow Process But Quitting Won’t Speed It Up
You know when you start something starry eyed and excited and so full of hope? Then something doesn’t work out and you get mad and destroy your progress by being petty and never picking up whatever it is that you’re working on?
Um, yeah I do that a lot. I’ve done that with learning languages, learning how to sew, learning how to play guitar, and a lot more other things. A LOT.
So when I saw this quote, I realized how true it was. Literally doing anything else is better than quitting. You can take it slow, take a break (but get back at it of course), focus on another aspect of the project/task. The only thing that will destroy your chances of gaining a skill or reaching a goal is outright quitting.
And now I’m trying to swallow the fact that I can’t be perfect at something just because I tried it for a week. It may take years or several attempts to feel comfortable or skilled with something. That’s hard work, that’s life, suck it up.
5.I am Learning Everyday to Allow the Space Between Where I am and where I want to be Inspire me and not Terrify me
I’m still learning. This is more of a goal rather than something I can currently resonate with. I’m still overwhelmed and scared. What if I never reach the place where I want to be? Hell, where is that place anyway? Where do I want to go, what do I want to reach?
It’s all so unknown, but I’m slowly learning to become more excited for what could be my future.
This ones a hard one, but it’s definitely all about perspective. It’s hard work but I’m getting there.
6. Focus on the Step in Front of You and Not the Whole Staircase
If you start a project or goal and then get terrified because you’re imagining how difficult it will be and all of the steps that are required…raise your hand!!!
This is me with anything and everything with life.
“Oh god, I need to get a full time job, but how am I going to get a full-time job when I have a current part time and what if no one wants me but then what if I find one and I’m super miserable???!??! But then what if I can’t find another job after that and then I get into debt because I suddenly get an apartment I can’t afford and what if I just end up alone forever because that will spiral into-“
First of all, why am I thinking of problems I don’t even have at the moment? How unnecessary! My first step is literally:
Look for job postings.
That’s the same with anything else. If I want to start a project, I should start one the first step only:
Planning the project.
That’s it!! I don’t need to think of all the possible problems of my possible work because I’m not a psychic!! I’m clogging up my small brain space with situations and conflicts that don’t exist. Instead, I need to use that energy to do well on my current task!!!
7. Be the Energy you Want to Attract
You know when you’re wondering why someone has such nasty energy? When they’re all grumpy, snarky, and super miserable? And you think, oh my god why are they like this…talk about a vibe killer.
Well, if you keep feeling a super negative and icky vibe, maybe you need to look within yourself.
Maybe your vibe is super off and disgusting at the moment so that’s what’s being handed back to you. The energy you radiate has the power to shape everyone else’s energy around you. Even if the person originally is feeling fantastic, once they get a sniff of your bad energy, they’re probably going to match your bad vibes.
While I was in my whole “self-pity party” stage, it felt like the world was drab and painful. And that’s the energy I received back. Now that I’m in a much better space, the energy I’m receiving back is much better. It’s probably all a game of perception. Control what you think of, affects how you act, and in turn how other’s act around you.
Of course we can’t be rainbows and sunshine 24/7, I have a lot of moments in the day where I feel icky. The thing is don’t let yourself wallow and consume yourself in it. Once you let it drag on for long, it’s hard to get out and you might turn into a permanent negative nancy.
8. Be so completely yourself that everyone else feels safe to be themselves too
This one is another favorite! It’s so true. I realized that people will open up and be as vulnerable as you are! It can be with really small things, for example a basic question:
Nice Lady: “Hey what kind of music are you into?”
Me: “Uh…idk all types I guess.”
Now Defeated Lady: “Oh okay. Same.”
If you’re closed because you’re too embarrassed to disclose what you really like, then you’ll get the same response back. But if you’re comfortable with who you are, and what you like, then you’ll get the same response back!
Nice Lady: “Hey what kind of music are you into?”
Me: “There’s this really lowkey scottish bagpipe band “Sheep Raisers” I like at the moment. Oh and ariana grande’s songs are great when driving”
Nice Lady: “No way!!! My brother loves “Sheep Raisers” I thought he was their only fan honestly. I love Ariana grande too!”
Being yourself is difficult. It means you have to be so comfortable with who you are, so sure of what you like and what you stand for, that you’re okay with welcoming possible criticism of who you are.
The only way people can comfortably share who they are is when they’re not afraid of criticism. I know that I would be so closed off because I didn’t want anyone criticizing my ideas or my interests. So the easiest way to protect myself is to NOT put myself out there.
But what a sad life. You’re only here for a short amount of time, why not let the world know who you are!! I’m working on being more comfortable with sharing who I am. I’m working on it! And I’m getting a bit better.
9. Making a 1% improvement is still 1% better than last time
We love to criticize and berate ourselves if we only do 30% of what we originally planned on doing. “Oh you looked over one job listing? God that’s so pathetic and sad you should’ve looked over 30 by now”.
Um, okay negative nancy I don’t need that energy right now. Can you imagine if you told your friend the same thing? How awful!
So while it seems counterproductive to praise yourself for every little thing that you finish, it’s much better than being mean to yourself for what you haven’t done.
To be honest, being mean to myself has just led to more sadness and frustration. But when I gave myself a pat on the back for working out for 20 minutes rather than sitting on the couch for the day, it felt great. I mean ideally I would love to work out for 1 hour and 30 minutes with weights, but not all of us are born with that kind of stamina.
BUT Don’t dismiss small progress. You’re not quitting which is a miracle! Small progress is still progress. Remember that.
10. Quantity Over Quality (Oooooh Controversial)
We always hear “Quality over Quantity”, but recently I listened to a podcast that said “Quantity Over Quality”. It doesn’t seem right. Isn’t it better to produce better quality content than producing a lot of terrible content?
Well, in some cases of course quality is important, but when first starting out with anything, it’s better to do it A LOT. And to be honest, you’re probably not going to be great at it.
This quote was used in terms of creative projects. For example writing songs. When you first start out, it’s going to be hard to produce quality content, that’s why you have to start out with quantity. Keep writing a bunch of songs, even if they’re super terrible. Why?
Because you’ll get used to the process! You’ll start understanding what works for you and what doesn’t.
For me, I would say it’s this blog. I need to keep producing blog posts and see what works and what doesn’t, and over time I can see what it means to post “quality” posts.
Besides, what a terrible pressure to produce something great when you’re first starting out. What’s important is to produce something, anything, and you’ll find your way slowly.
I love this quote. It breaks the inner perfectionist in all of us and shows us that HARD WORK is what gets us somewhere, not just pure talent.
Ahhh and so that brings us to the end of the quote list. I truly hope that some of these quotes have helped you. I know the process of finding ourselves (ew how cheesy lol) is difficult, and it’s overall not a very pleasant experience.
Hopefully we all find ways to take this as a chance to explore, make it into a somewhat more exciting journey, even with all the realistic burdens that life hands us.
Please share any other quotes, concepts, or ideas that you have about feeling stuck, or navigating your 20’s!! I would love to hear them.