This blog was something I was so excited about. It felt like I had a new purpose, a passion project that was going to change who I was, and propel me into the life that I’ve been wanting and promising for myself.
I imagined that this blog would finally result in a huge shift in my life, where I could write with a purpose, and possibly form a career. This blind excitement, burst of fiery motivation, and starry eyed goal was unfortunately very very unrealistic.
There was already such a large part of me that knew it would take a long time and a lot of work to build a successful blog, and to become a full time writer (I don’t even know what writing direction I would want to pursue??). Putting such high expectations on this blog without creating a disciplined plan was a surefire way for me to crash and burn.
The expectations I placed on this blog did not just include blog goals, but I intertwined an image of forming a brand new shiny life that would come with it. My life was going to change! I’ll be a totally different person, with more motivation, a purpose, and I’ll live that picturesque “freelancer-writer-online-creator” life.
So the combination of aiming to revolutionize my life, navigating unknown online creator territory, having a read rate of ZERO, excessively overthinking- all these things caused a very abrupt crash.
And gave my blog a big fuck you.
It went from weeks of jotting down blog ideas, writing outlines, buying domains, figuring out how to set up a website, to breaking down and not even opening my laptop to write.
After a two month hiatus, I realized the reason for my quick demise.
It’s because my goal for this blog was badly centered. My goal for this blog was for me to become a writer who could make it into a career…but the actual content and purpose of the blog was missing. Okay but what is the content going to be about, and why is it going to be valuable?
I also didn’t have a disciplined blog writing plan.
My approach to this blog was so methodical and calculated to a point where my voice felt eradicated. I was trying to form it in ways to appeal to mass audiences I didn’t even have.
I restricted what I would write about to follow online advice I found about blog writing.
Advice such as:
Don’t write about your life! It’s not about you!
Make it in a list format for easier reading!
Have a niche!! Don’t write all over the place!!
Make it at least 1k-2.5k words!!!
All these rules disrupted my usual writing choices which caused my writing to become…dry and uninspired. The topics were boring, and the writing itself left so little to be desired. I don’t know if I would even read the first bulk of posts I made. The beauty of exploring through writing was wiped out, and writing became a means to an end…although there was no real “end”.
This is me basically saying:
Don’t restrain yourself with unrealistic expectations or rules. When the creative process starts to feel unnatural, rigid, and stiff…somethings not right.
While it’s only natural to want success, and to follow things by the book…if it’s making the work feel like a drag- that’s not good.
I poured so much of my time, passion, and emotion into my writing, but then I would strip it down, change the tone, and transform it into something that resembles a grocery list rather than what I truly wanted to share. While it doesn’t hurt to follow advice and take steps in certain directions, it’s necessary to figure those things out on your own.
This post is basically a big fuck you to my own blog.
I’m going to write what I want to write about, and I’m going to free myself from my own ridiculous expectations.
Here’s to writing, here’s to sharing, here’s to creating an environment that is so full of love.
I don’t know if this blog will go where I imagine it to go, I don’t even know what I have in mind, but I’ll make the journey mine.
If you’re also having a really difficult time with your creative endeavours, I hope you take this as a sign to let go of any odd expectations or restrictions you’re putting on yourself. We’re meant to explore ourselves and life through art, it’s an expression of how we navigate the world. Don’t make it so cut and dry, and eventually, hopefully, we’ll find our place.